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Fashion Boots

 

  
  Ok kids..today's topic is "fashion boots". Ladies...you live in eastern canada, it's winter, it is cold and it has been windy enough to almost take ME off my feet! And I am a sturdy, thick gal! YOU weigh roughly as much as a small child, or a ziplock bag of stupid! What do you think your chances are in 75km per hour winds What kind of an idiot are you *sad headshake*
  You are wearing these thigh high leather clodhoppers with a 6 inch spiked heel, that is sharp enough to pick a lock, put out and eye, or, maybe even, scratch out a "help me I am an idiot" plea for help in the ice when you fall off your boots and break your fucking necks! Back in the day, when a lady was wearing those boots, people would be asking for your price list, and signing into the local no tell motel for an hour! And, don't you worry about.. when you do fall down, wearing those short skirts, and thong panties, don't you have any fear of your ass sticking to the ground like a second graders wet tongue to the swing set at recess in winter Jeez Louise, wouldn't that be a fun day for the paramedics!! Short skirts, wee baby tee shirts, faux leather coats with the rainbow colored fun fur collar and idiot mittens, spike heels in winter...yup, who's your daddy *eyeroll*
  Then, the hair, gotta talk about the hair, PICK A COLOR!!! I saw a woman the other day and I counted seven colors in her hair before she turned around, then I was struck dumb by her face! Wow, I guess the hair was to detract attention!! She had crow's feet and hammer slats galore, and she was sucking on a cigarette like she was bound for death row and it was her last puff! Had that mouth like a hen's ass , going on. You know, years of smoking and drawing your lips in, eventually your mouth looks like if you make a clucking sound, and egg is gonna come squirting out! Hen's ass, girls, look in the mirror! Bauck Bauckk Back..omelet anyone Uh huh, yep its true!
  And. just FYI, the blood red lipstick that is bleeding into those smoker's lines..not pretty, kinda scary actually. Mouth Hemmorids...ewwww Not even preparation H can help that..maybe some poly filla and a spackle knife
  Ohhhh.. The new kind of lipstick that is guaranteed not to come off for 8 hours! Don't you worry about what is in that shit You know, you could paint a wall with it, and there you are putting gobs of it on your skin, on your plumped up , beestung lips (by the way, puffy lips in my day were the result of a fist fight or a well placed elbow) Wow..would you slap some benjamin moore from a gallon can on your lips Well...maybe! Nuff said.
  Don't even get me started on the glittery blush , eyeshadow, mascara and sparkles even in the lowly old skin moisturizer. I don't particularily want to be shining in the sun like I had just been rolling around, having a torrid tryst with sparkles the clown! Or, was standing nekkid in glitter filled gale force winds.. And, can that really be good for your skin I read one story that said if you use this body make up with that sparkle effect in it, it will make you look 10 pounds lighter. UH huh sure..it is just cause whoever sees you in the sun is too blinded by the glitter to look at you with their eyes wide open, we have to squint to see ya, sooo.....squinting takes off pounds! Stupid!
  Oh boy I better go, before I get started on the underwire bras! If God had meant for us to put our tits on a plate, wouldn't we have been born with parsley in our cleavage Just wondering!
  And that is all I have to say about that! Molly is poking at me to come pay attention to her..Guess I will!
  

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